Fri-Ends.

I miss having friends. Like really good friends. Not ones that are just there but ones that are friends. The kind of people you can do random crazy things with, laugh until you pee, share deep dark things with, smile, have fun, be yourself with type of friends. I miss that so much. I don't think I've had that in some time now. I've been sort of guarding my heart and I hate it. I want to let people in, I want to show people the real me, but for one reason or another it just isn't happening for the moment. Whenever I log into facebook I keep see all these things that are happening with the friends I once knew and it makes me miss them, it makes me miss what was once had and will never happen again because of things said or done or not said or not done. So sad. Maybe next semester with me moving to a new apartment place with new classes and new everything something will change or something will happen and I will find people who need someone like me around. I sure hope so, or else this is going to be a long year. Like the 113 boys from my first semester at school. They're all on missions right now. But Jordon comes home from South Korea in a year. And I think I might still have feelings for him. I know he needs me in his life, I just hate waiting. I'm so impaitent. I'm so antzy for the future. I want everything now now now! I wish I could be like I used to be an just stay calm and wait it out, knowing things will happen when the time is right. Man, I sure have changed in the past year...

Blogblog BLOG

Man, I suck at this whole blog thing.
I was thinking aboutt maybe making this thing into a sort of collage of my life of sorts or a place to post snippets of this story I want to write. I honestly don't know.
Tomorrow morning I leave to fly back home for the weekend.
Seattle here I come!
I'm very excited. As much as I love Rexburg, I need out. Everything is getting on my nerves this semester, even myself. But as of today, I feel somewhat normal...well as normal as I can get. I pretty much vented everything to Laura last night and it felt good. I hope she doesn't think I hate her, she says she doesn't but not everyone tells the truth. I should never live with someone I know, it's a bad combination.
Anyhoo, so I suck at this but I'm going to try to post maybe once a week...or so, no promises! haha. I'll figure things out, don't worry...