Fri-Ends.

I miss having friends. Like really good friends. Not ones that are just there but ones that are friends. The kind of people you can do random crazy things with, laugh until you pee, share deep dark things with, smile, have fun, be yourself with type of friends. I miss that so much. I don't think I've had that in some time now. I've been sort of guarding my heart and I hate it. I want to let people in, I want to show people the real me, but for one reason or another it just isn't happening for the moment. Whenever I log into facebook I keep see all these things that are happening with the friends I once knew and it makes me miss them, it makes me miss what was once had and will never happen again because of things said or done or not said or not done. So sad. Maybe next semester with me moving to a new apartment place with new classes and new everything something will change or something will happen and I will find people who need someone like me around. I sure hope so, or else this is going to be a long year. Like the 113 boys from my first semester at school. They're all on missions right now. But Jordon comes home from South Korea in a year. And I think I might still have feelings for him. I know he needs me in his life, I just hate waiting. I'm so impaitent. I'm so antzy for the future. I want everything now now now! I wish I could be like I used to be an just stay calm and wait it out, knowing things will happen when the time is right. Man, I sure have changed in the past year...