WOW.

Right now I'm just WOWing at EVERYTHING, cause I've decided I'm just well, kind of stupid. I was just thinking about the past two years and all the friends that have come and went and stayed and I'm all "WOW...I don't get it." All the anxiety, all the issues, all the tension put forth into those friends that have moved on with their lives, even after I've stopped being their friends totally wasn't worth my feelings and thoughts. No matter what I usually tend to never stop loving people, I get so attached to people despite everything that goes on. It's seriously a disease. Also another thing is it's very easy for me to make friends. I will know someone for five minutes and they will have already basically told me their whole life story, it's crazy and some times I sorta like it, but nonetheless, once they've moved on from me I sort of stand still, still investing in a broken relationship, hoping some how things will go back, but they never do. So right now I'm just in awe of how dumb that is of me to do. I put myself through "mental Hell" with anxiety, racing thoughts, worry, amoung other things wishing those friends would enter into my life. Most of the time it isn't even me (unless unintentional) who gives up on the relationship, I think I can only think of 2 people where I have intentionally given up, but for good reasons. It makes me sad though because of the way I handled those relationships and I wish I still had them around, but because of things said/not said and things done/not done, I know that will never be the case and I'm left alone with my choices. However, for those failed friendships, to where I have no clue why I am not friends (or good friends) with those people anymore, it makes me ache for them. I love just about everyone, even if I don't always show it. I just wish people could see how much I love them. If I could I would hug every person I walk past, one by one, and show them how much I want to care for them all. Sounds silly I know, but I totally would hahah. I don't know, I was just thinking about all this today and decided to write about it for a bit. I wish I could stop thinking about all the friends I had or could have had, but I am lucky for the ones I currently have and hopeful for the furture ones...