The War Of My Heart.

I got a letter from Jordon last night.
I haven't heard from him since May.
Slowly I'm beginning to think that maybe he's not the one for me.
This whole time I've been thinking "Oh, I'm probably going to marry Jordon." But now I just don't know.
I've always been so sure that he could possibly be it, once we tried.
He seems to be holding back a lot in his letters, and being a stupid boy.
It could just be the missionary in him, or it could just be his changing personality.
I think somewhere along the way I may have built him up in my mind a bit. That sucks.
I wish I could serious find someone, anyone.
Well not just anyone, you know what I mean..
I meet random people almost every day; whether it's myspace, facebook, work, on the streets, at parties, through friends, you name it!
They tell me I'm pretty, that I have a great smile, my personality is so amazing and vast. If they're girls I usually get the response "if you were a boy I'd marry you"..or.."why can't you just be a boy." And yet, I'm alone.
I guess i bring it upon myself. I could totally see myself loving the boys I meet, but I wouldn't have reached my full potential. I want my dream guy, and usually those people are lacking. Lacking in something, that sparkle, that shine.
And so I guard myself, hiding my heart because without that sparkle, what's the point. I know it won't go anywhere...so I don't even try.
ahdsjkol,mb ndfsioajoklfjdi dspaiois dffjdfsaokdfapoidoaisd ijsdfaod LIFE IS HARD AND COMPLICATED DANG IT!

and i am waaaay too picky. i cause myself to be lonely. its all my fault. ohh well.